1. Your music is unfashionable.
2. Your clothing is drab and lifeless.
3. Your food is like licking ashvault.
4. Your cappuccino tastes like brown urine.
5. Your women are dull and unattractive. Except for this Angelina Jolie. We had a fling back in Paris, but ultimately, she was too pedestrian for me.
I don't have anymore time to waste on thinking about Americans and American things. I must now hop on my motorbike and drive around LA shouting "VIVA ITALY!"